Apologies

Apologies. The word "sorry". No, I'm not fed up with that word, it's just.. Would it still have its real meaning if it's being said over and over again? I have no idea. It's not that one's not allowed to say sorry. Yes, saying sorry is necessary if you did something wrong. Aber ist das alles? Nein. Saying sorry wouldn't change anything. It wouldn't change my mood, and it wouldn't make things better. Saying sorry is just a beginning of the real apology. No, saying sorry is not an apology. It becomes nothing when it's said all over again.
Then, what makes an apology? The act. Saying sorry is necessary, but it is absolutely nothing if you don't try to correct anything, to do something to bring up my mood. This is sickening but, there's something that gives me the urge not to be mad. Eventhough I almost never get mad, I still hope for the acts, not the "sorry" words. I don't want to hear more "sorry"s, I want an act. ACT. Don't blame yourself for not knowing what to do, you are a human, you are a student, you can learn. You can be busy with everything and why can't you use a bit of your time to try to learn from people around you what to do to make things better? Is it that important? What is important to you? Those 'meetings'? Those 'works'? And why did you decide to build a connection between? This is not a game.
Well, I don't even understand myself. What is happening with me? Why can't I just be mad and quit? How on earth could I still stay, to keep up with these all? Maybe it's what people are saying. The feeling. The insane feeling. The L.