Awkward?

That feeling when everything seem disn't right. That condition when everything is not good. Awkwardness is awkward. Have you ever feeling awkward? When you don’t know what to do in some certain condition. When you feel like you just want to quit. But that’s the main problem. You want to quit, but awkwardness happen at the happiest, best moments in your life. As for me, awkwardness happens when you’re too excited in the condition you’re in. It feels so “WOW” and “Oh shit, no.” at the same time. It mostly happens at the time you’re with someone you love, or your lover, or someone you’re attracted to. 

Talking about attractiveness, here i’m going to say that attractiveness is not what you look like. I have a low self-esteem. I’m not beautiful. I’m not like what most of the boys expected. I’m not the type of girl boys usually like. I know it. But depending on my experience, i’m attracted to this certain boy firstly because of his heart, let’s not talk about heart i’m not a love expert. You can say i’m attracted to this guy because of his behavior and his sense of humor. Everything started with a simple text conversation. Not by looking at how he looks like. 

I don’t know if it’s just me but i hope everyone has the same way of seeing the attractiveness of a person in the opposite sex. Everyone, i do mean everyone. But i’ll start with a hope that the guy i’m talking about in this post has the same way of seeing it :P So that no one will ever have a low self-esteem anymore. I know how it feels like, it’s the worst feeling you’ll ever have.

Why am i talking about this kind of stuff? Not really my type but you know, just expressing my feelings. Back to the first paragraph, there i stated the question “Have you ever feeling awkward?” and if you ask me that question, i’ll answer “yes, i have. I literally have.” Haha.

I hate, i really hate having a low self-esteem, i want to quit more than you could ever think. But i can’t. I just feel like i know that almost everyone either hates me, or doesn’t care about my existence on earth. I feel weird. Or for a more simple phrase, I hate me.