December!

How long has it been since I last posted here? A year.. almost a year? Anyway hi.

It's just a few days away to new year. Not excited for it. I actually am never excited for new year since I was 13 or something. It's no longer a special day for me. Even now, the sound of those kids outside lighting up fireworks is not a sound that would make me want to join them. I choose to lay in my bedroom and do something better (by better I don't mean productive) such as playing Clash of Clans or watching TV or designing..

Talking about designing, I currently am running a clothing line (can I call this a clothing line?) called @SOSapparel on twitter. At first I didn't do it by myself, my boyfriend helped me in this--which is why it's named Sixth of September Apparel which is our anniversary date--but now I'm doing this by myself. I LOVE bands so this is a really fun thing to do! We have a blog, visit us here.

Back to my main title, December. This December has been a good December for me. My birthday is on 10th December, and this year, I celebrated it, uh.. well. Credits to two of my bestfriends Winina and Della for the surprise at the very right time: German Studies (or Literature, both are fine) Department's gathering.

At first I thought my boyfriend would also be there, but he wasn't :( Unfortunately he didn't give any surprises on my birthday, but he did apologize and give me a very lovely gift contained of two IELTS preparation books I had been dying for. Thank you!

The rest of the day (and the following day) went not so good, despite me being very happy because my bestfriends have lightened up my days, but I was still very disappointed by the fact that my boyfriend didn't give me a surprise (hey it's not wrong to expect it right?). 

The whole week was very exhausting, we had to prepare a play for our Literature final test (yes, we had to perform a play), I was chosen, as always, as a coordinator for the Blackmen (is this even the right plural form for blackman?). Being a blackman is of course exhausting, yet fun at the same time! On December 12th, 2013, after the rehearsal, I decided to buy some pizza for my friends since I had a birthday two days earlier. After a moment, yay! My boyfriend came with a birthday cake for me on his hands.

My day turned a few times better. Thank you! <3 

And when I went home later, I was also surprised by the birthday cake my family has prepared for me. Happy me is happy! The perks of being home: multiplied.

So, hasn't it been a good December? :) Also, december has Christmas in it. I don't celebrate christmas, but I really like watching movies on christmas. I have always wanted to be in one of USA/Europe's biggest cities on Christmas. The snow, the atmosphere.. Lovely!

So this post probably sums up my feelings this December. Most feelings, I mean. Hope you've also been having a good december!

Apologies

Apologies. The word "sorry". No, I'm not fed up with that word, it's just.. Would it still have its real meaning if it's being said over and over again? I have no idea. It's not that one's not allowed to say sorry. Yes, saying sorry is necessary if you did something wrong. Aber ist das alles? Nein. Saying sorry wouldn't change anything. It wouldn't change my mood, and it wouldn't make things better. Saying sorry is just a beginning of the real apology. No, saying sorry is not an apology. It becomes nothing when it's said all over again.
Then, what makes an apology? The act. Saying sorry is necessary, but it is absolutely nothing if you don't try to correct anything, to do something to bring up my mood. This is sickening but, there's something that gives me the urge not to be mad. Eventhough I almost never get mad, I still hope for the acts, not the "sorry" words. I don't want to hear more "sorry"s, I want an act. ACT. Don't blame yourself for not knowing what to do, you are a human, you are a student, you can learn. You can be busy with everything and why can't you use a bit of your time to try to learn from people around you what to do to make things better? Is it that important? What is important to you? Those 'meetings'? Those 'works'? And why did you decide to build a connection between? This is not a game.
Well, I don't even understand myself. What is happening with me? Why can't I just be mad and quit? How on earth could I still stay, to keep up with these all? Maybe it's what people are saying. The feeling. The insane feeling. The L.

Good things gone

Nothing lasts forever. It’s true. I just realized, the only thing life has been trying to tell me is “never trust.” On anything. Even the ones you trust the most could easily leave. The people I thought I will be growing up close with, the people I thought will always be there for me, the people I thought I can always share all my stories with (and vice versa), they left. The people who are my ONLY, I repeat, ONLY, high school memory, they left. Thanks to The Downtown Fiction for creating a song that fits. One part of the song that fits the most is the sentence “Cause high school is the place where dreams go to die.” It’s true. At least for me, it’s been proven.

Is this cruel, vicious, savage things real life? If so, welcome to real life where nothing is on your side and everything is against you. Or maybe it’s just mine that is screwed? Even the only thing –bestfriends- I can remember from my high school, they slowly left. I have no memories from high school beside them, since I wasn’t allowed to enter any of the student activities/organizations, and should be directly going home after school. It seems like life has just taught me about friendship, and there’s no such thing. Is it true? Have I been wrong, for believing in friendship? Hey come on, those people around me, they have bestfriends. So I don’t deserve any, huh? Why?

My behaviour, my attitude, my style, is it the cause? Then what are bestfriends for if they don’t give solutions? What are bestfriends for if they don’t help each other? What are bestfriends if they hide up everything? Am I that one person –in a friendship circle- who’s being hated? Where do I belong, actually? Who’re destined to be my bestfriends?

Yes, it most probably be me, the cause of this ‘unknown break up’ of the friendship I used to have. I don’t know why, or what I did wrong, but I know it’s me. I can’t be any more sorry, but when you’re hated, no one will hear you.

Why am I start losing the people I love? My bestfriends, and this one specific person I currently have, this person starts fading, slowly, a bit by a bit. He starts having too much things to do, and (of course) the college schedule, almost all of his time is used, taken. And I can’t make him even more tired by asking some time of his free time, since he needs to have a rest. Will I lose this person, just like my bestfriends? Who do I deserve then?

So as a conclusion, I have no one left by my side. It looks like. I’m all alone. In this society. Vicious society. Life taught me not to trust anyone, and anything. Which is hard. I don’t know, all I ever wanted was love, from people around me. Family, bestfriends, boyfriends, etc. Is that too much to ask for?

This is not a pity-begging post, just a part of my thoughts. I can’t write this much on twitter without spamming, right? That’s why I write this here. Just, expressing, you know. Thank you and good night!

Enviousness

Noun: Enviousness [en-vee-us-nuss]
A feeling of grudging admiration and desire to have something that is possessed by another.

Yes. Enviousness. It's a long story about the girl I really envy. Not saying her name in this post, but let's say, R. R girl. So there's this girl, R girl, who I really envy. She has loads of friends, loads of bestfriends, a faithful guy bestfriend, is allowed to hang out often, is rich, is lucky, is creative, is not fat, is fashionable, she has a lot of people who care about her. A lot. I mean 8 out of 10 of her friends would say that she's their bestfriend and choose her above their other friends. You understand? She is a person I've ever wanted to be. Her life is the exact opposite of mine.  I want to live her life. So bad. She hangs out often. That's why she has a lot of friends. I want to be her. I want to be her. :(
She follows me on twitter. We follow each other because she is a bestfriend of someone I personally know. That doesn't change a thing. I still envy her. I do. Especially having a lot of friends who love her. I want to have a lot of friends who love me. That simple. But... can I?

Anyway, it's 2013. Welcome new year.

Novemburrrrrr!

Hi! It's in the middle of November today and i feel like writing something here. The good thing is, I have passed my orientation thing in this University. Officially free! So i went to this event called Erstsemesterparty which is the main event of 2012's orientation phase. Yes we got scolded a lot but it was seriously a lot of fun. Never thought the event would have turned out to be that awesome. \(^,^)/
Yesterday, my boyfriend came to my house for the first time to meet my parents. It was a success, i thought. It was my first time having a boyfriend coming over (of course it was....) and his first time too coming over to his girlfriend's house to meet the parents. Aweeee! Everything was real nice.
And one other awesome thing. I HAVE MY AC FIXED! Yah-ooooo~ I can g back to my room again now. Without turning on the AC it feels like going in a microwave, sigh. But now I can go back there, missing it a looooot <3

And I'm still figuring out where to and how to buy Baltimore Ravens jersey without having to pay too much for it. Because i can't seem to find it in Indonesia :( I really want one! Especially Michael Oher's. Pfffff :(

Me loves!

Hi! It's been a while since i posted something here lol. So, the day went by, and a lot of things happened to me. I'm starting my university routine already. Since my house is too far from the college, I'm staying in the dorm on weekdays. So far, I have done a few tests and i got some tasks already. I got an A on my Germany map task! ^v^
Well, back to the topic; lovely days. Yes, the days have been so lovely, a lot of lovely things happened. My university life went better than i thought it would. And now, the cherry on top of my year. I got my first ever boyfriend :P We've been in a relationship since September 6, 2012. Awness <3
Um yeah having a boyfriend isn't that big of deal, but as for me it is. And probably for my friends also. I don't know why but people around us keep saying that we look cute together, and that we fit each other. Strangely, most of the people who said that are the ones who haven't seen us together in real life. But it made us happy :3 In case you are wondering, click this to visit my boyfriend's twitter (hi stalker!) :p
So we are taking studies in the same University. But in different faculty. I'm taking German studies in Faculty of Humanities, while he's taking Industrial Engineering in Faculty of Engineering. We've known each other since um, July. I passed a lot of ups and downs before we were (finally) in a relationship but, yeah. Patience matters. We were meant to meet up on 26th of August but i was too busy with my German studies task that day and I had to cancel the meetup. And i've just known that he wanted to propose me on that day, but then he had to wait until September 6 to say it. I'm so glad he did. And yeah that was a quick story of our relationship lol.
As a conclusion, the days have literally been so lovely to me <3

Happy!

Hi people! Good things just happened to me xD
So let's begin. The first good thing is, I got accepted in one of Indonesia's best universities, the University Of Indonesia, without having to any tests (SNMPTN). I'm taking German Literature, and of course, will be studying it for approximately 4 following years. I'll start my whole university life, including the orientation week, on August. Wish me luck! :D
And then, there's this Twitter-based english learning portal for Indonesians called EnglishTips4U (follow us!), they were searching for new admins with good english skills, and i was chosen as one of the new admins! I'll start giving the online session about Australian Slang on Saturday, June 23, 2012. Woot!
Don't forget to also visit our blog here.
idk what else to post lol so here's Jack and Alex's faces to brighten up your day. ♥
Meet my boys, lol. here. (and my boys are Jack, with blue shirt and sunglasses, and Alex, white shirt and sunglasses. No, not that guy on the right! :p)